Posting is tougher than it looks.

So I haven't posted in forever and really you shouldn't consider this a post as all I am doing is giving you notice that I probably won't be posting much until after exams. I know you need your entertainment but I need to fill my brain with a semester's worth of legal knowledge and then vomit it back in a few exams. In the meantime, entertain yourself with the new poll, the new Bubbatunes song of the day, and with Thanksgiving. Enjoy and see you soon.

We Jobbed Ourselves

Well I have let it go long enough. If you haven't been able to tell by now the University of Michigan football team has been going through a bit of a rough patch. So far this year we have lost to Utah, Notre Dame, Illinois, and Toledo. We could have beat Utah, we should have beaten Notre Dame, we had no chance against Illinois, and we completely blew it against Toledo. Now my wife has told her friends that as far as she can tell a Michigan fan will never tell you that they lost a football game. Instead, she says, a Michigan fan will always say that they were "jobbed." Until this year this has been true.

In over 125 years of Michigan football, we have never lost a game but have been jobbed hundreds of times. This year though we have went from getting jobbed to getting beat...by ourselves. Michigan's record this year is 2-4. That is two wins and four "should have won but we beat ourselves, the other team had nothing to do with it."

The first loss was to Utah and was the first game of the year in a new system, with a new coach, with pretty much completely new players. Had it not been for opening game jitters (and an extremely luck 53 yard field goal) we would have won that game handily.

The second loss was at Notre Dame where we should have won but we turned the ball over at least 7,592 times and Notre Dame cheated.

The third loss was against Illinois. Juice Williams had record stats but let's be honest, shall we? Michigan beat themselves by not building a time machine, going back to 1998 and convincing a young Juice Williams to focus on baseball.

The fourth loss was against Toledo and it was obvious from the start that Michigan was just nervous against playing the powerful Rocket team and made a bunch of mental mistakes. Had they locked it up they would have won. (They only allowed Toledo's offense score 6 points.)

So as you can see Michigan record of never getting beat by the other team is still intact. Looking ahead the Michigan schedule looks promising:

at Penn State (cakewalk)
Michigan State (bow down little brother)
at Purdue ("Boiler Up?" More like " Boiler down!")
at Minnesota (Brown Jug stays put. Period.)
Northwestern (This might be a tester.)
at Ohio State (tOSU can go to hell.)

In other news, read this article for an extremely in-depth and intriguing look at America's food supply and potential problems that will face the country in the very near future.

Also read this article because some things just never get old.

Will Wife Play in Peoria? Judge Thinks So.

Everyone stand and give a hearty ovation to my wife who just accepted a judicial clerkship position for a federal judge in Peoria, Illinois. Yey! Yey! Hip Hip Hooray! Hip Hip Hooray! Hip Hip Hooray! We will not be unemployed and destitute this time next year! Seriously, it is a great position in a great town that may be dangerously close to Cubs territory but closer to St. Louis so I can still get my Cardinals fix in whenever I want. (Plus it may even get the Big Ten Network so I can watch Michigan crap until the cows come home.)

Since the wife has a job, now I have find one, so if you are in Peoria and need to hire a brilliant and accomplished lawyer then I am your man. Now I can just sit back and wait for the offers to come rolling in....

And now your funny video lifted from somewhere else for the day:

Video Overload!!!! (Post Wisconsin Victory Edition)

So a couple of things until you get lost in the fabulous world of viral videos:
1. Michigan had the worst half of football ever played but rallied back from a 19-0 deficit to beat Wisconsin. Go us!
2. Baseball is officially over for the Cardinals. Boo.
3. Scott Linehan has been fired. Great now fire everyone else in the organization and we may start to get somewhere.
4. Posting once a week is lame, I know, but at least it is better than what is happening over at but awesome takes practice. (Quantity-wise, not quality-wise.)
5. The lizard video only makes since if you realize that the audio came from someone that was in a closet and drunk or high at the time. His friend then put the audio track to computer animation.
6. The history lesson is surprising accurate as far as the actual facts go but in reality Alexander Hamilton was not as pure as Michael Cera makes him out to be. The real Hamilton had an affair with Maria Reynolds and her husband blackmailed Hamilton. This affair is partially what prompted the duel with Aaron Burr but I will leave you to research that yourself.
7. Bubba Tunes does not condone the over consumption of alcohol or the taking of illegal drugs.

See more Michael Cera videos at Funny or Die

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Random Thoughts

Here is a collection of random points that could each be their own post but I have been lazy as far as blogging is concerned so I am taking the lame way out and doing it bullet point style.

1. The computer animated The Incredibles is totally and completely a copy of the classic "graphic novel" Watchmen. I know that Watchmen came out in in 1985 and I am way behind the boat on this one but I just read it for the first time this weekend and realized that The Incredibles, while still very good, is a dumbed down, Disney-ification, kiddie version of Watchmen.

2. As a partial owner of AIG I expect the checks to start flowing into my mailbox any moment....any moment...

3. Damn Notre Dame. Damn fumbles. Damn Damning Damn.

4. It is officially fall and it is still 82 degrees out. Now we had a very mild summer and for that I am thankful but we are 4 games into the college football season and I am still wearing shorts. What the hell gives? I know global warming and El Nino are probably the culprits but I checked the blogs and apparently the higher temperatures for this time of year have been caused by Rich Rodriguez. If you go to any WVU website the comments all indicate that Coach Rod is the devil and as such he must have left the door to hell open and letting all the heat into our world.

5. Damn that Notre Dame. Damn gift touchdowns. Damn Dammers.

6. So the new fall seasons are starting on television so I am really getting amped up for my two favorite shows, 24 and Lost...What's that?...They don't start until January?.....mother fu....moving on.

7. Damn Cubs. Damn Carey Buck Bottle. Damn Nolan. One time! I want to win that damn stupid trophy once! Damn it. Damn Damn Damn.

8. So take a look at this:

and then, of course,

(This is where I would post a picture of me and my wife but due to international copyright laws and the fact that I don't know all of you people reading this thing I am not going to put it up.) So what do Mike Comrie, Tom Brady, and I all have in common? We all went to the University of Michigan at the same time, we are all winners, and we all have some pretty nice looking babes on our side. This is where the comparisons end unfortunately as they both have looks and pretty lucrative jobs themselves.

9. I am taking the following classes this semester: State and Local Government, Real Estate Transactions, Environmental Law, American Legal History, Business Associations, and I am doing some directed research for a professor. Here are the classes I have on Thursday: State and Local Government, Real Estate Transactions, Environmental Law, American Legal History, Business Associations and I am doing some directed research for a professor. Here are my classes on Friday: _______.

10. Ryder Cup = Ours. As someone once said, "This is America and that is Kentucky and I will be damned if we are going to lose to a group of European nancies in Kentucky!" (That some one was me.)

11. Damn Notre Dame bastards. Damn Damn Damn.

New Look Bubba Tunes

Yeah, so I changed the look of this, the most read ever, blog.

I don't know how to really create my own look so I just used a template the good folks at Blogger had already created. I like the look better over all but I am mad that the Michigan countdown doesn't really fit all that well in any of the templates. Oh well, you can see the opponent and the clock and that is all you really need anyway.

In other news there are reports that Lance Armstrong is going to be making a come back and compete in a few tournaments including the 2009 Tour de France. If these reports are correct Luke is probably already in France staking out his spot on the Alpe d'Huez. Livestrong Luke, Livestrong. If the reports are not correct then put the gun down Luke, put the gun down.

10 Years + 70 Home Runs = Question Mark?

How about that for a title of a post? It is full of symbolism and randomness yet still makes a point. A very stale and transparent point but a point none the less.

It's been ten years:



The problem is it has only been a little over three years since this:



As a long time Cardinals fan and an even bigger baseball fan I can remember Mark McGwire's 62nd home run and the rest of the summer of 1998 vividly. On September 8, 1998 I was driving home from working as a bagger at a local grocery store. Mike Shannon and Jack Buck were on KMOX describing the Cardinals-Cubs game and I was probably breaking every state and local traffic law trying to get home in time to get in front of a television. I flew into the driveway, left my car out, ran into the house, flipped on the kitchen television, and as soon as the screen turned on McGwire hit number 62. It was a moment I will never forget.

Fast forward a little less then seven years to St. Patrick's Day 2005. I was on lunch break from work and decided to eat at a local barbecue place that had televisions on the wall. Usually the televisions had some baseball game on but this day they were all tuned to C-SPAN for the Congressional hearings on steroid use in baseball. At the center of it all was Mark McGwire. Sure others were there giving testimony, Rafael Palmareo, Curt Shilling, Jose Canseco, and others, but it was McGwire everyone would be talking about later. Up until that time nobody would admit that there was something wrong with the summer of 1998. It had, after all, brought baseball back to life after the devastating impact of the 1994 strike but after McGwire dodged question after question the blinders everyone had so willingly put on themselves were finally removed. When McGwire said "I'm not here to talk about the past" the past was forever changed. We were all hoping McGwire would lay things to rest once and for all and just say, "I know that bastard Sammy Sosa was on the juice but I never touched the stuff. Jose Canseco can rot in hell. Damn his lies. Damn his lies to hell. To Hell with him and his damned lies that I damned to hell just a second earlier." But he didn't and we all knew the truth.

Time, they say, heals all wounds but it appears Mr. McGwire still has some waiting to do. When he retired after the 2001 season everyone knew he was going to be a first ballot Hall of Famer. He had the single season home run record and was fifth on the all time list. Add in a World Series ring and even a Gold Glove it was a no doubter. But after being eligible for two years now, McGwire has not even sniffed the 75% of the vote to reach Cooperstown. People have decided to punish McGwire for alleged crimes against baseball purity.

This topic has been written about by countless numbers of people and I by no means consider my opinion higher than anyone else's but I think it is time we move on. Baseball has instituted testing and it seems to be effective. The power numbers that were every where during the "Steroid Era" have dramatically decreased and people are showing up in droves to ballparks across the nation (outside of Miami.) Mark McGwire has moved on with his life. He is quietly enjoying retirement, playing a lot of golf, raising two young children with his wife of seven years, and staying out of the public eye. I say put McGwire in the Hall, keep all performance enhancing drugs out of baseball, and really appreciate the things that truly are remarkable.

Detroit's Long Municipal Nightmare is Over

Kwame, Kwame, Kwame. Let this be a lesson for you. If you become the mayor of a city it is a bad idea to have strippers over to the mayoral mansion, fire persons with knowledge of that party, get sued by those people, come to a $8.4 million settlement with those people, saddle the city with paying for that settlement without fully disclosing the fact, use city credit cards like you are playing Monopoly, sleep with your chief of staff, lie about sleeping with your chief of staff, use a city cell phone to send explicit text messages to your chief of staff/lover, hold a funeral for a racial slur then resurrect said racial slur in the state of the city address, and then assault people trying to serve court orders.

Here is how a mayor should act:


(I know this was when she was governor but I just had to post it. )

Now that Kwame has officially turned in his letter of resignation let just remind you of something another famous Michigander once said:

...Thomas Jefferson said the people are the only sure reliance for the
preservation of our liberty. And down the years, Abraham Lincoln renewed this
American article of faith asking, "Is there any better way or equal hope in the
world?"

Even though this is late in an election year, there is no way we can go
forward except together and no way anybody can win except by serving the
people's urgent needs. We cannot stand still or slip backwards. We must go
forward now together....

I believe that truth is the glue that holds government together, not only
our Government but civilization itself. That bond, though strained, is unbroken
at home and abroad.

In all my public and private acts as your President, I expect to follow
my instincts of openness and candor with full confidence that honesty is always
the best policy in the end.

My fellow Americans, our long national nightmare is over.

Give it up for Gerald Ford ladies and gentlemen.

What's the worst that could happen...oh, that's bad...

After watching Michigan get owned this weekend I decided I needed some cheering up. There was an article on CNN.com about a Michigan State student that rapped about the new particle accelerator that is being built in France and Switzerland. In the rap she explains very complicated sub-atomic physics in a simple and fun way. (A side note: I am as impressed as everyone else that Michigan State students are smart enough to do anything but keg stands and burn couches.) Here is the video:



Fun video right? Is your brain hurting yet? If you didn't quite get the lingo the Cern Large Hadron Collider is being built so scientifically minded folks can try to figure out crazy ass shit. If all goes well the collider will provide insights about anti-matter, the creation of the universe, the existence of other dimensions, and all sorts of other sci-fi type stuff. Sounds great right? Well there may be a problem. The experiments may create a new black hole every second.

Now Stephen Hawkings and others says that the experiments probably won't create black holes and even if they do the black holes will be so incredibly tiny they won't do any damage. Apparently any black hole that is created will be traveling at such a fast speed that it will fly right off the planet and off into space. If any black holes were somehow trapped on Earth, they would be so incredibly small they would only "eat" one proton every 100 hours and could pass through a block of iron that stretched from here to the moon without touching it. (Weird huh?)

I don't know about this though. I know companies do a cost-benefit calculation where they set an acceptable level of deaths caused by their product but in those cases they deal with relatively small numbers of deaths. Here, the smallest number of deaths associated with the creation of an unexpectedly large black hole would be...carry the one...cross multiple and divide...um...every living thing and planet in the solar system. Given the large possible "cost" I don't know if any benefit would be worth it. Beside remember what happened the last time man messed with black holes?



The Lifeboat Foundation, one of the critics of the new collider, has created a program to investigate and hopefully stop a particle accelerator from destroying, well, everything but that is not the only thing on their agenda. Aside from particle acceleration issues, the Lifeboat Foundation has projects aimed at preventing or defending against such annoyances as rouge asteroids, nanobot infestations, attacks from artificial intelligence, radical climate change, Internet destruction, nuclear holocaust, and alien invasion. Some of their projects actually seem pretty reasonable while others, not so much. Their plan for alien invasion? Diplomacy. What a bunch of liberal wienies. They conclude that any alien species that has the ability to travel across space must have the technology to kick our ass so all we can do is talk to them and hope they like us. I say when the aliens invade the time for diplomacy is over and we need to nuke 'em and we need to nuke 'em now. Let's send Sarah Palin with her bull moose rifle up to the mother ship and she'll take care of business. The aliens will rue the day they messed with humans and Alaskan vice presidential candidates.

The Real 2008 College Football (ahem, Michigan) Preview

Here is the thing about Michigan right now, I don't know anything. I will predict 9 wins but I really have no idea about what to expect. In the past Michigan had a reputation of being very secretive. Carr would not allow media access to practice, would restrict players from press conferences, and would generally not tell you anything about anything. The doors to outsiders that were closed by Carr were opened immediately by Rich Rodriguez when he took over. He lets cameras and reporter watch various practice sessions, regularly speaks to the media, and has been extremely accommodating to all comers. That being said he hasn't told anyone anything about anything. Nobody, from ESPN down to Bubba Tunes, has any real idea about what type of team will take the field on Saturday against Utah. We know Rodriguez has used a spread offense and is likely to use that this year but we don't really know what that will look like with the players he has. It will probably be pass oriented but with four running backs with a legitimate chance to each receive over 100 touches a piece, it could be all about the run.

Damn it. I ran out of time before class so further expansion and analysis of the defense and special teams has become impossible. For your reading pleasure, however, here are some quick and rough predictions:
-Nick Sheridan will start the first four games, lose his spot, and then win it back and start in the last six games.
-Michigan, shades of 1969, will beat Ohio State this year.
-Wisconsin will not be as good as people think they are.
-Heisman will go to Chase Daniel.
-Michigan wins the Capital One Bowl for the second time in a row.

We Got a Real Hum-Dinger Here

Well it is that time of the year once again. The days are growing shorter (grow shorter? can that even happen?), the air is getting crisper (again, how can a gas take on the physical property of "crispness?"), and the campuses across the nation are welcoming back their students (and by this I mean they have start cashing the tuition checks.) Every fall Bubba Tunes is proud to present the most in depth and comprehensive coverage of college football...if by in depth you mean "barely scratching the surface" and by comprehensive you mean "totally focusing on Michigan and poorly at that." So without further ado, here is the BUBBA TUNES 2008 COLLEGE FOOTBALL PREVIEW...

The two teams on top of the polls this preseason are Ohio State and Georgia. Both teams had decent years last year. OSU played in the National Championship game and lost while Georgia felt they should have played for the National Championship but didn't so they beat up on a Hawaii team that had absolutely no business playing in the BCS. The media saw these two performances and immediately thought these are the two best teams in the Nation and should be so designated officially. Meanwhile in the rest of the country people yawned. USC ended the year last year trouncing an Illinois team, while defying all expectations, that could not come close to measuring up to the Trojans. USC was rewarded for their effort by being ranked 2 and 3 in the coaches and AP polls respectively. All three teams are returned a lot of starters from last year and have recruited well so there is some justification for their high rankings to start the season but it seems to me the media is focusing too much on last year and not on the facts on the ground today.

If one were to be completely objective and look at all 119(?) I-A (that's what my daddy called it so that is what I call it) division football there could only be one logical and undeniable conclusion as to who the number one ranked team should be this year: The University of Michigan. I know, I know. You are all laughing and think that I am delusional but in the famous words of Lee Corso, not so fast my friends. Michigan should be ranked for one reason and one reason only: Mike Barwis.

If you are unfamiliar with Mike Barwis then you should be destroyed as he is familiar with you and can, and will, take you down. Mike Barwis, unlike Chuck Norris, actually does have tears that cure cancer but doesn't need to cry because he can just beat the cancer into remission. This is Mike Barwis:

Mike Barwis once killed himself a whole division of the Soviet Union's secret genetically engineered super-soldiers, brought them back to life again, taught them how to optimize their potential in the weight room, introduced them to democracy, and eventually turned them into Kerri Walsh and Misty May-Treanor.

Mike Barwis drafted the original Declaration of Independence in the spring of 1764.

In, the under card bout at Habitat for Humanity charity boxing event event, Mike Barwis boxed Lennox Lewis, Mike Tyson, Evander Holyfield, former Presidents Teddy Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln, and former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher all at the same time. Barwis knocked them all out 30 seconds into the first round he built 75 Habitat Houses in 25 urban centers across America all before the main event started. (Incidentally, the main event was Godzilla versus Charles Barkley versus the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles versus the Cheetah Girls with the Cheetah Girls winning by TKO in the 14th round.)

Mike Barwis relies on two principles: 1. Mike Barwis; and 2. Mike F'ing Barwis.

So given all of this, Michigan's ranking as the nation's top program is a given.

Talk About Sausagefest

Okay since I last posted the follow events have taken place:
1. The Olympics started in China with an opening ceremony that news agencies report was anything ranging from "glorious" to "God-like." After people found out computer generated fireworks were used and an cute girl pulled a Milli Vanili these same news agencies downgraded the opening ceremony to "amazingly awesome" and "totally better than anything the West could ever dream possible...capitalist swine."
2. Bernie Mac died from complications associated with pneumonia.
3. Russia invaded and bombed the shit out of Georgia. People all over Atlanta started building fire breaks and sighing "not again" before they realized it was Georgia the country, not Georgia the state.
4. Michael Phelps won the gold 8 times. When asked about his record setting performance, Phelps said, "Okay, I guess it is cool but have you seen how much weight Terrance Taylor lost? Freaking amazing man. Watch out for those Wolverines. Watch the hell out."
5. A bunch of other stuff I don't remember or don't feel like writing about.

What I really wanted to bring your attention to is this. If you are like me and just will not click on hyperlinks in suspect blogs, here's the skinny: The mayor of Mount Isa, a mining town in Northwest Australia, is under fire because he said ugly women should move to the town and find a mate. Mount Isa has a population of 25,000 and the male to female ratio is five to one and the mayor hoped inviting Australian female Quasimodos would help balance things out. Mayor John Maloney said that Mount Isa was a place for"ugly ducklings to flourish into beautiful swans" and that the "beauty disadvantaged" would be a welcome addition to the town. After his comments were published in a newspaper people got pissed and yelled at him.

I don't see a problem with sending all of the ugly people of the world to Australia. The country started as a penal colony and can now be used as a ugly bastard colony. This would greatly improve the quality of life for people like me that are incredibly good looking (a.k.a. Zoolanderesque). I say send the people who fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down to Australia and let me go to the mall and not have to see them waiting in line at Auntie Anne's or buying clothes that are just too stylish for their ugly faces at H & M. Think of all the health care dollars wasted on ugly people. (We all know beautiful people don't need the hospital, they just look in a mirror and are cured.) If we didn't have to spend our tax dollars on the sick people we could spend them on hair care products and screen print t-shirts that accentuate my perfect triceps.

I know a lot of you ugly people are getting offended right now but come on, you're ugly so why the hell should I care? For the non-ugly readers out there, if you have any other groups of people you would like to send to Australia post a comment.

Summer = Lame Posts

Okay so I am not the best summer blogger in the world. If it makes you feel any better I spent the weekend in Los Angeles throwing up none stop for about 9 hours and then having to fly 6 hours home the next day. I have not wanted to eat since. For your further entertainment here is some newly discovered (by me) music:



Also, college football is gearing up and school starts before the fortnight is through so expect more posts and more quality. Until then, Go Cards and Screw the Cubs.

Tiger Stadium Needs You

Click here or lose Tiger Stadium forever. Out of all the burnt-out shells of buildings that litter the city of Detroit, why the city council is going through with the demolition of Tiger Stadium is beyond me. I recently stayed in downtown Detroit and there is nothing to do except gamble, watch sports, and hump lamp posts. Tiger Stadium is a much needed tourist attraction that the city cannot bear to lose. Obviously it isn't creating a lot of revenue by just sitting there vacant but neither is an empty lot that will take its place. The good people at the Tiger Stadium Conservancy project have plans put together that will create a park that keep the historic legacy of the ballpark alive, create revenue for the city, and more importantly, create new memories for future generations.

Is it just me or has this blog gotten too preachy? Maybe I should do a salute to the David James Elliot and Catherine Bell joint, "JAG" sometime in the near future.

John McClane for President.

Another video I stole from my brother:

Schlafly is the new black.

I know you have all been waiting for my take on the whole InBev/AB thing. Well, I don't plan on dignifying it with a response. What I will do is tell you about the fantastic beer made by The Saint Louis Brewery, Schlafly. Schlafly is a locally crafted beer that goes down smooth and does not sacrifice anything on taste. With two breweries in the St. Louis area and over a dozen brands, The St. Louis Brewery is the largest American-owned brewery in the St. Louis area. My personal favorite is Schlafly Pale Ale but the wife loves her some Schlafly Hefeweizen.

In other news: Michigan has some new duds.

Cool huh? The adidas logo will take some getting used to but I like 'em. I especially like the nod to Bo with the "Those who stay will be champions" sewn into the collar and the hidden Big Ten Championships on the shoulders.

Dance...(you know, like that weird song from the late 1990s tells you to.)

My brother sent me this video today saying it was the coolest video he has ever seen and that he was extremely jealous of the dude in them. Since my brother has seen literally 6.7 trillion videos and hasn't been jealous of any man since his eyebrows came in strong back in the late 1990s, this was a video I had to watch. As it turned out my brother was correct. Here is the video:



I know this guy has been around the internets for years now but I just caught on today (just like I just caught on five seconds ago that I did not coin the term "internets.") His name is Matt Harding and quit his job as a video game programmer a few years ago and decided to travel the world. That is awesome. I have spent over twenty years of my life in school and I bet that Matt learned more in five trips than I have my entire life. I am going to be a lawyer and will be chained to a desk or courtroom 60 hours a week or more for the rest of my life and will never get to a even an twelfth of the places in that video. Don't get me wrong I am living a very happy life and what not but who wouldn't want to dance with a tribe of New Guineas and then go to the Korean DMZ dance there and have the North Koreans think the West has gone completely insane. It's just really cool is all.

Hey InBev, Suck My InButt.

So the Board at AB stood up to those lousy Belgian bastards and said "Hell no, we won't sell." This, of course, is just a first step along a long and rocky path. InBev has already started the hostile take over process in that they are suing AB in DC (you like all the initials?) to clarify the power of shareholders to dismiss AB Board members. Until AB is free and clear from this aggression from across the pond keep buying that Budweiser. (Ironically enough, I finished my Bud yesterday and am sitting here with a cold, crisp, and fresh "Go Blue Brew" in my hands.)

Now that I have discussed the beer related issues of the day I can move on to other things. As you may have noticed I have not been posting a lot lately. This is mostly because in the summer time my mind is focused on work, not sweating, and baseball. Since these three things take up the entire day I don't have much time for blogging. (This is a total lie but I am going for it.) But since I am using them as excuses I may as well write about them.

Work: I am working at a legal clinic this summer. I represent those people that could not afford legal representation normally because of economic and social constraints. (Yay, I get to play the role of a bleeding heart for a while.) It is very enlightening work and it really is getting me some great experience. An added plus is that I don't get paid so...okay...well...I do get free parking downtown....wait....no I don't....um...I'll get back to you...but it really is fun.

Not Sweating: Now that it is summer, I open the door in the morning, wearing a suit and tie I walk to my car, and before I reach my car, I have already sweat all the way through my shirt. I get in the car, crank the AC, and finally get cooled down about a block away from work. I then park the car, walk more blocks to my office, and greet my secretary looking like Steve Prefontaine after a quick 10k. Going to the office looking like a contestant from "Wipeout" is one thing but making an appearance in court is quite another. I don't think judges get the right idea about a lawyer when they are sweating profusely. I have noticed most of the judges lately have been handing down the maximum legal punishments to my clients.

Baseball: The Cardinals are over-achieving according to the national media. According to Bubba Tunes, however, they are under-achieving. The Cubs should never, ever be ahead of the Cardinals in the standings. I don't care if the Cubs are undefeated halfway through the season, there is no excuse. Luckily our mash unit of a ball club has been playing their tails off and been getting some good results but after being swept at home by the Royals and then losing two of three to the Tigers, the ol' Red Birds need to get some wins under their belt.

I have finished two fine Buttsweiser products and have become sleepy for some reason. Dammit Lukas! You spiked these, didn't you? I have lost all ability to concentrate....must watch TV...must stop writing...beer power taking over...have to order nachos....NACHOS!

Michael and Shannon become one collective Butts.

I will be traveling to Pure Michigan this weekend to celebrate the wedding of Michael and Shannon. Let me be the first on the Internets to congratulate you.

APPLE BOTTOM JEANS AND BUTTS TAKING THE PLUNGE!

...sucker.

If you want AB you're going to have to pry it from my cold, dead hand.

As you may have heard, the Belgian beer giant, InBev, has made an buy out offer to Anheuser-Busch. Needless to say this deal must not go through. AB is the last major brewery in America that is actually American owned. (I don't count Coors because they merged with Molson and have a marketing partnership with SABMiller, both foreign companies.) AB has been based in St. Louis since its creation in 1852 (although officially incorporated in 1875) and has been a pillar of the community ever since. Even during the dark days of prohibition, AB was one of the only breweries to remain open and provided much needed jobs to the region. Today AB is the largest U.S. based brewery creates more revenue for the St. Louis region than their books indicate. More than just providing jobs at the corporate headquarters and the brewery, AB uses local advertising agencies, distribution centers, and delivery services. They also provide millions of dollars in tourist revenue in St. Louis and around the country with their ownership of Sea World, Busch Gardens, and various other theme parks. The charitable work they do goes largely unreported but almost every single charity, school, and church in St. Louis has been touched by AB's generosity. Both St. Louis University and Washington University receive large donations from AB every year. Many churches receive free kegs of beer for annual picnics and festivals. AB also supports organizations all around the world. Check it out.

Not to be Chicken Little or anything but all of this would end should InBev be successful in their buyout plans. InBev has a history of brutally and heartlessly slashing costs. Any and all "unnecessary" programs would be cast aside to bring up the bottom line. They don't recognize the importance of building up the community and creating good will. Sitting in Belgium and Brazil, the owners just want the money and the Budweiser brand name. Think of AB as Callahan Auto and InBev as Zalinsky Auto Parts. You are Tommy Boy. Get the job done. The AB shareholders and consumers must put forth a concentrated effort to block this take over so go to www.saveAB.com to see how you can help. One of the best ways is to keep buying Budweiser and other AB produced beers and keep buying stock in AB and hopefully we can push up the value of AB so high that InBev would not be able to afford it.