Here are the things I learned this weekend:
1. When brewing your own beer be sure to stop at Wendy's first.
2. When staying at the Milner Hotel in Detroit be sure not to drive a car or if you do make sure you say you are going to the opera.
3. Pitching a no-hitter into the sixth inning is not always impressive.
4. High schoolers are much better at Guitar Hero than anyone born before 1989 will ever be.
5. LaBatt Blue is the official beer of Paul and Sue.
6. Jilly and the Putz is a catchy song.
7. Bums use taco shells for wallets but cannot use shrimp as bluetooth headsets because they are too hungry.
8. Craps is a very complicated way to lose money.
9. The first two lines of Flo-Rida's "Low."
10. Apparently Greek cafes in Greek Town do not always think timing is important when serving food.
11. It is very easy to create your own lyrics to "Low."
12. Suit coats are not necessary at Detroit casinos.
13. Having teeth is not necessary at Detroit casinos.
14. Having bathed in the last month is not necessary to get into Detroit casinos.
15. Nolan looks exactly like Jack Black to legally blind Michiganders.
16. Australian GPS ladies do not say "mate" after giving you directions. (Also they do not say "crikey," "bloomin'," or "g'day.")
17. Casino security guards are very large serious men that do not like Butts (and for good reason.)
18. Apparently Shawnty wears Apple Bottom Jeans, Nolan wears a sport coat, and I am an asshole.
19. Cougars are real and they are scary.
20. Cougars' moms are just as real and even scarier.
21. The pictures in hotel rooms are not bolted to the wall.
22. Croatian men need to lock the dead bolt to surf the web.
23. Croation men need to surf the web in your hotel room.
24. This city was not only built on rock and roll but also Jesus.
25. Seven mile pedophiles go to Tigers games.
26. Trash cans are only good at containing vomit so long as they are not tipped over.
27. You can fold a twenty dollar bill and make it say "Tits of America, Glenn Beck is an asshole."
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I believe that it was a $100 bill you needed to fold for the special Glen Beck message. Also, you forgot
ReplyDeleteSometimes at 3:30am, publically humping a light post is better than interacting with locals.
Correction: publicly humping a light post can be the best way to AVOID getting arrested or shot.
ReplyDelete