Spring is Here; Time to Dress Like Idiots

The weather over the last couple of days has been absolutely perfect. The sky has been a bright, crisp blue. The wind has been blowing gently bring with it the sweet smell of the nectar from the blossoming and colorful flowers, plants, and trees. The sun shines and the Earth which has been so cold and hard for months has started to warm and soften under heat of the sun. Also jackoffs around the St. Louis area have started wearing flip flops with blue jeans.

If there is one thing I cannot stand it is jackoffs wearing long pants and flip flops. WTF! I know you are asking yourself, "But Mike, what about people that aren't jackoffs that wear flip flops with long pants?" The problem with that question is that people that wear flip flops and long pants automatically become jackoffs by deciding to wear flip flops with long pants. Flip flops, if they need to be worn at all (and I don't think they ever need to be worn), should only be worn with the following articles of clothing:

1. Hawaiian Shirt
2. Swimming Suit
3. There is no number 3.

That being said even should you wear an outfit that properly occasions the wearing of flip flops, you may only wear the flip flops in the following situations:

1. At the pool.
2. At the beach.
3. On a chartered deep sea fishing boat.

I remind you that flip flops are not at all necessary in any of these situations so if you don choose to wearing them even in these slightly less jackoffy situations you will still give off very strong jackoff vibes to everyone around you.

In deed I do believe the only perfectly acceptable situation for wearing flip flops, and actually a situation in which I actually strongly recommend the use of flip flops, is when taking a shower in a college dorm or gym locker room. That is the sole (pun sort of intended) purpose of flip flops: to keep your feet from becoming infected with some type of M.R.S.E. that the frat guy living next door picked up at his last hazing when he had to steal bio-waste from the hospital and drink it.

I probably would not get so upset if I just saw people wearing flip flops while wearing shorts. I could understand that. It's hot, I want my legs and feet to stay cool so I will let them breathe. I personally don't do it but I get it. I do not get why these jackoffs decide that the weather and temperature is just so that I want to keep my legs covered up but let my fungal covered feet out in public for all to see just how nasty and hairy they actually are. Why don't you just by a pair of electric blue Crocs, rent a tuxedo, and really hit up the town in style? You would look just as good as with your flip flops and blue jeans but at least people will just assume that you are "special" and not a jackoff, which of course, you are. End of rant.

By the way, happy belated birthday to Nolan, Burke, and the Pope.