Ann Arbor - According to local sources, new University of Michigan Head Football Coach Rich Rodriguez and his predecessor, Lloyd Carr, have scheduled a 1:00PM (EST) news conference to announce that they will pledge their complete support to Matthew J. Nolan and Michael Ostrander in the 2008 NFL DDC at Cog Hill. The announcement is the first major endorsement in what is expected to be a month full of celebrity interest in the annual golf tournament. When reached by phone late last night, Coach Carr exclaimed, "I think these two Michigan Men are absolutely tremendous. They have an opportunity to become legends in a legendary event." Coach Rodriguez also commented, saying, "I fully support Nolan and Ostrander as true examples of Michigan Men and the only true champions of the NFL DDC. Additionally, if I had decided not to endorse their team, Mike Barwis threatened to 'kick my lily-white ass'." While this announcement comes as little surprise to those who closely follow the situation, the most shocking revelation that is set to be discussed at the press conference is the announcement that Michigan coaching legend Glenn E. "Bo" Shembechler included a provision in his will providing that no members of the DDC other than Nolan and Ostrander can ever claim an endorsement from any true Michigan Men. In related news, Justin Boren is scheduled to announce his endorsement of Team Roush/Stachowiak later this week.
UPDATE: It has been learned that the author of the above story had been sniffing glue all night long and may have had glue related hallucinations. As such, nothing in the above story should be taken seriously. The reporter is currently in rehab. May God have mercy on his soul.
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F your stupid update.
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