We Got a Real Hum-Dinger Here

Well it is that time of the year once again. The days are growing shorter (grow shorter? can that even happen?), the air is getting crisper (again, how can a gas take on the physical property of "crispness?"), and the campuses across the nation are welcoming back their students (and by this I mean they have start cashing the tuition checks.) Every fall Bubba Tunes is proud to present the most in depth and comprehensive coverage of college football...if by in depth you mean "barely scratching the surface" and by comprehensive you mean "totally focusing on Michigan and poorly at that." So without further ado, here is the BUBBA TUNES 2008 COLLEGE FOOTBALL PREVIEW...

The two teams on top of the polls this preseason are Ohio State and Georgia. Both teams had decent years last year. OSU played in the National Championship game and lost while Georgia felt they should have played for the National Championship but didn't so they beat up on a Hawaii team that had absolutely no business playing in the BCS. The media saw these two performances and immediately thought these are the two best teams in the Nation and should be so designated officially. Meanwhile in the rest of the country people yawned. USC ended the year last year trouncing an Illinois team, while defying all expectations, that could not come close to measuring up to the Trojans. USC was rewarded for their effort by being ranked 2 and 3 in the coaches and AP polls respectively. All three teams are returned a lot of starters from last year and have recruited well so there is some justification for their high rankings to start the season but it seems to me the media is focusing too much on last year and not on the facts on the ground today.

If one were to be completely objective and look at all 119(?) I-A (that's what my daddy called it so that is what I call it) division football there could only be one logical and undeniable conclusion as to who the number one ranked team should be this year: The University of Michigan. I know, I know. You are all laughing and think that I am delusional but in the famous words of Lee Corso, not so fast my friends. Michigan should be ranked for one reason and one reason only: Mike Barwis.

If you are unfamiliar with Mike Barwis then you should be destroyed as he is familiar with you and can, and will, take you down. Mike Barwis, unlike Chuck Norris, actually does have tears that cure cancer but doesn't need to cry because he can just beat the cancer into remission. This is Mike Barwis:

Mike Barwis once killed himself a whole division of the Soviet Union's secret genetically engineered super-soldiers, brought them back to life again, taught them how to optimize their potential in the weight room, introduced them to democracy, and eventually turned them into Kerri Walsh and Misty May-Treanor.

Mike Barwis drafted the original Declaration of Independence in the spring of 1764.

In, the under card bout at Habitat for Humanity charity boxing event event, Mike Barwis boxed Lennox Lewis, Mike Tyson, Evander Holyfield, former Presidents Teddy Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln, and former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher all at the same time. Barwis knocked them all out 30 seconds into the first round he built 75 Habitat Houses in 25 urban centers across America all before the main event started. (Incidentally, the main event was Godzilla versus Charles Barkley versus the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles versus the Cheetah Girls with the Cheetah Girls winning by TKO in the 14th round.)

Mike Barwis relies on two principles: 1. Mike Barwis; and 2. Mike F'ing Barwis.

So given all of this, Michigan's ranking as the nation's top program is a given.