NIKE ANNOUNCES CONTINUED PARTNERSHIP WITH NFL DDC

Beaverton, OR (AP) – With just under three weeks remaining until the NFL DDC golf tournament in St. Louis, MO, sporting goods giant Nike has announced that the company will continue providing golf balls for the legendary event. Like years past, Nike does not hold exclusivity rights for all golf balls used in the tournament; however, a stipulation in the contract guarantees that all putts must be made using the official NFL DDC golf ball designed by Nike. Failure to use the agreed upon ball is said to result in a penalty, however, the NFL DDC competitors seem to be at odds over the severity of the penalty. DDC legend and 3-time defending champion Matt Nolan suggests that the rule is clear. “Two stroke penalty. That’s the rule. Also, I thought it was funny to say two stroke.” Perennial DDC runner-up, Mike Roush laments the rule, claiming, “If Jim Stachowiak misses a putt using a Srixon, Titlest, or Slazenger, why does it matter what ball he is using? Isn’t my partner’s bad putting penalty enough for our team?” Like much of the rules following the tournament, the use of the Nike ball for putting seems to be steeped in tradition, more than reality. According to lovable loser Jim Stachowiak, “I like the rule. I think it is classic.” When asked to what rule he was referring, and to define the particulars of the rule, Stachowiak responded, “All of them. All of the rules are classic. It’s the NFL DDC, baby! It’s a tradition unlike any other. That’s the rule.” As the date of the tournament approaches, speculation continues to swirl regarding illegal pre-tournament play on the official golf course, Pevely Farms. DDC champion Michael Ostrander touched on the topic, saying, “I’m sure that Jim and Mike have played the course. In fact, I hope they have. We could be playing on a course designed by Jim, with remote control balls operated by Mike, and Team Nolan/Ostrander would still win The Birdie.” With all players firmly into their pre-tournament routine, the excitement is sure to heat up in the next couple of weeks. Speaking on behalf of Nike, CEO Mark Parker wished all of the competitors good luck, saying, “Nike is pleased to continue our partnership with the NFL DDC. This year, we look forward to the elimination of bush-league tactics, such as the use of Karma, and encourage the players to get their Mojo working in an effort to win the prestigious trophy, The Birdie.” As Parker was leaving, he was seen placing a bet on Nolan/Ostrander to win the NFL DDC for a record 4^th consecutive year.